if you can't be true to yourself, you're not true to anyone else
on people pleasers, shape shifters and an intervention for the disingenuine
i’ve been thinking a lot about authenticity lately, about what it means to show up fully as who you are, to always be upfront about what you think and sincere about how you feel.
so imagine my shock when i come to realise that there’s still so many people out there who are so good at pretending. pretending to be someone else. pretending that things are okay when it’s not. pretending to like you when they don’t.
donning on a false mask and engaging with you under false pretences.
and perhaps it’s just all a coincidence, but i’ve come to notice that this mostly happens with people who are objectively more mainstream, those who still strongly adhere to a very traditional normative way of life and way of thinking.
now there’s nothing wrong with that of course, you do you. live life however you want (as long as it doesn’t infringe on another’s).
my main issue stems from having to interact and have relationships with folks like this, because they don’t ever truly enage with you authetically — it’s like there’s always some ulterior motive or they’re actually secretly calculating everything that you say and do and shapeshifting to fit in.
in other words, they are not showing up earnestly and sincerely. not even half as much as you are. and therein lies the issue at hand.
it comes off as disingenuine, because it is. they aren’t being honest with you about how they truly feel and what they want from you and they are also not honouring themselves enough to stay true to to themselves.
and (un)fortunately for me, i’ve met a lot of people like this and it all ends the same way — their people pleasing tendencies will have you feeling drained and whiplashed in their world of constant drama and half truths, with them ping ponging back and forth about how they feel, what they want, what they think.
instead of going inwards and doing the work to address all of their own issues and tendencies, they make it into everyone else’s problem instead.
and you can’t help but see through their facade and view them as this malleable glob that ingests everyone else’s thoughts and viewpoints and feelings.
like many others, they’re still so influenced by the patriachy when it comes to chasing after unrealistic and euro-centric beauty standards, traditional “family values”, the hyper-capitalistic agenda that they’re better than everyone else because they’re climbing the corporate ladder and not “lazy” or “un-ambitious” like other folks who choose to leave the corporate world and pursue other types of jobs instead.
and yet, they want to wear the badge of honour for being “different”, for being not like the other folks still hypnotized and unawakened to it all, when deep down at their core, they are still exactly like them.
and that’s so fucking disingenuine.
they don’t wish to put in the work, they don’t practise what they preach, they just wish to be perceived as someone who does. and they’re always seeking validation from everyone around them instead of tuning inwards and working on truly becoming and embodying all the things that they claim they are.
perhaps the funniest part about all this is that they actually look down and belittle those who are so authentically themselves, for living life without any false pretences and being brave enough to steer away from the common path.
i’d like to think that it mostly stems from jealousy, them being envious because that’s the spirit they wish they can fully embody, but at the end of the day, they just can’t.
and as someone who’s clearly alternative, who’s part of the counterculture and various subcultures, it is both draining and frustrating to have to be around people who don’t have a firm set of beliefs or a strong values system.
after all, when you stand for nothing, you fall for everything.
when you don’t know who you are and what you want and what you believe, you let everyone else tell you what to think, how to live, what you want, what you need.
and just like, you fall into all the propagandas, you’re always ping-ponging back and forth, you believe everything and anything, you don’t take charge of your own life, you let both society and everyone else around you define and dictate your life.
and you’re always seeking external validation from just about anyone, because you don’t know who you are and you don’t believe or value yourself that much.
more often than not, i’ve always found myself gravitating towards folks who are unapologetically and fully themselves, who aren’t afraid to be different, weird, eccentric, esoteric. because, more often than not, these are the people whose minds and lives are so authentic and so full of magic, and we also have so much more in common compared to those who are more “mainstream”.
i mean, it’s seriously such a bore and so frustrating to be around people who are so insecure that they can’t even dare to be real, to fully show up as all that they are and be brave enough to just radically exist.
it’s like they don’t view people as real people whom they wish to know and foster genuine bonds with, instead they tend to view it all as a connection, in a “how can i grow my network” kinda way, and i simply just can’t stand the lack of sincerity and genuinity.
frankly, this huge frustration also stems from me feeling both betrayed and annoyed that more often than not, this is the norm. this is the game that everyone partakes in, especially those amongst the normative crowd as well as neurotypicals.
they put on a fake smiles and use their customer service voices to act all chummy with everyone because that was what they have been taught since they were young. to always be palatable, agreeable, fuckable. even when they disagree. not unlike chameleons in a fleshsuit pretending to be humans.
well, i refuse, i refuse, i refuse!
i will wear my heart on my sleeve, i will spill what i’m feeling, what you see is what you get. i won’t lie, i won’t pretend, i simply can’t.
i’d much rather be as authetic as i am and draw in only folks who totally vibe with me than to be “pleasant” and have to interact with inauthetic folks who were never ever truly going to like me or embrace me fully anyway.
i am me — take me for all that i am or not at all. i’m fine with that. i can’t do half-hearted things. i can’t pretend to feel something i don’t. i won’t pretend it’s all okay when it’s not.
i know what i believe in and what i stand for and i’m in search of people who’ve already freed themselves from the shackles of mainstream society and ideologies.
i want and i need them living life radically according to their own terms, paving their own path, and being so beautifully confident in themselves, their values, their uniqueness.
so raw, so real, so invigorating and captivating.
your friend that’s “too woke”? “too weird”? i want them all, give them to me. no, like seriously.
You say that I've been changing
That I'm not just simply aging
Yeah, how could that be logical?
Just keep on cramming ideas down my throat
You don't have to believe me
But the way I, way I see it
Next time you point a finger
I might have to bend it back
Or break it, break it off
Next time you point a finger
I'll point you to the mirror
If God's the game that you're playing
Well, we must get more acquainted
Because it has to be so lonely
To be the only one who's holy
It's just my humble opinion
But it's one that I believe in
You don't deserve a point of view
If the only thing you see is you